[Subtitles by danielsangeo]
Okay, new job:
Find something to climb out of here.
Every employer I've had pulls this crap.
They hire me to do one thing,
but what they really mean is one
thing plus fifty other things
because they don't have enough people.
And, guess what? I'm the new hire.
Well, at least Black Mesa
has a legitimate excuse
that most of their workforce is dead.
Gotta cover for the dead guys.
"Superbus Via..."
I don't know much Latin.
Language of science, my ass.
It would be kind of cool if I wrote
out "Latin is a dead language" in blood
and made it look like one of the
soldiers did it as his dying action.
People would say, "Wow, those were
his last words, huh?" Make them think.
Hm. I guess I could stack these bodies
to make a human staircase out of here.
But, that's going to be a lot of hauling.
I'd probably need at least five or six.
I'd wear myself out
if I moved all of them.
I'm sure there's a cheap lab
stool around here somewhere.
I don't like hearing explosions
if I'm not the one
Frickin' door conspiracy!
You can't tell me there isn't one.
I've got my button-pressing
gloves on and I'll--wait...
Maybe I shouldn't press THIS button.
I'm getting some weird vibes here.
Like, why is there a dead guy
inside these cages?
I don't know what department
this is, but this isn't how we kept our lab.
If someone turned up dead in one of our
experiments, it got cleaned up immediately.
I'm not going to press that
button.
I'm going to press THIS bu--
no, maybe I shouldn't.
I've been in this room before.
The last time I pressed that
button, I remember a white hot light
and then the universe felt just
a little bit emptier.
We shouldn't be making these buttons.
It's that time of the year again.
HECU: We've got Freeman!
NOT YOU, THE OTHER GUY!
YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT! YOU'RE IT!
Oh, nice. I have the hiccups.
Man, I get really nervous
after killing people.
I think it's because there
could be other people to kill
and I never really know if my job's done.
THAT'S A PRETTY BIG
OVERSIGHT IF I'M TRYING--
WHY IS IT MY JOB TO KILL
EVERYONE?!
I almost feel like my degree
is being wasted here.
I mean, what I'm doing now
really has nothing to do with
quantum mechanics or general relativity.
There's just no crossover.
I HAVE A PERSONAL SPACE ZONE, GOD DAMMIT!
Nobody has any respect for my privacy!
They all think I've done something!
Thought you were somebody else.
[gibbering]
I would--I don't...I don't know.
Maybe he respects my privacy.
I mean, there is no
actual RIGHT to privacy,
but it's implied by the rest of
the Constitution... and this gun.
It's a prototype
cheese slicer, I guess.
Doesn't look like it's going too well.
I can't have somebody sneakier
than I am running around here.
Then the whole system falls apart.
Thought you could take cover in this
completely empty hallway with nothing in it.
And the door opens so that means
you weren't trying to run away.
So, that really was your plan.
Well, you're not going to make
sergeant like that.
So, looks like I've
gone in circles again.
But now, I can do it on the next floor!
I can't wait; I'm going to run up there.
OKAY, I NEED EVERYBODY TO CALM DOWN!
I CAN'T HELP ANYONE IF YOU'RE NOT CALM!
This session's off to a rocky start, but
I think I just need to change tactics.
OKAY, LISTEN UP EVERYBODY!
RELAX AND FOLLOW THE SOUND OF MY VOICE!
I NEED YOU TO TAKE DEEP BREATHS!
NO! NOT LIKE THAT! START OVER!
Actually, I think that's all the
time we have for today.
We'll meet again next week.
Okay, now that everyone's calmed
down, we can start thinking rationally.
It stands to reason that
with so many of you here,
there must be a functional entrance.
Unless I'm imagining everyone here.
That would be a game changer.
[laser blasts, whines]
Whoa!
I'm going to leave this on.
It looks expensive.
Hm, that is something to think about.
If I am imagining all these soldiers,
then I'm just shooting random people.
But, if that's the case,
then it make sense why--
--people are trying to kill me.
[houndeyes squeal, charge up]
Dammit, not you!
You're not even people!
[hic]
[houndeyes charge up]
IF I WANT YOU LITTLE SPACE MAGGOTS
JUMPING AT MY FACE, I'LL ASK FOR IT!
AND I'M NEVER GOING TO ASK FOR THAT!
Well, lasers make me happy.
just getting my life
back on track in general.
But, hey, I'll take lasers.
GUARD: What is this thing?
Some-some kind of weapon?
SCIENTIST: Put that down. It's a prototype.
I'm hearing voices again.
GUARD: Why aren't we using it?
SCIENTIST: It's much too unpredictable.
SCIENTIST: Don't let it overcharge!
GUARD: What-what do you mean, "Over--"
[tau cannon explosion]
[gasps]
You know, for every mistake I make,
somebody else is making an even bigger one.
Yuck. Well, I'm not touching that thing.
I doubt it's any safer
with blood all over it.
Hey, how did those guys get in here?
Oh, of course. Through the ceiling.
--the rope they used to get in there.
I guess I'm getting jaded in that
seeing some body parts lying around
doesn't freak me out the way it used to.
It still freaks out most people.
Like, if we're able to cl--
oh, hey, a button!
Damn, I don't think it has any power.
But, yeah, if we were able to
clone body parts easily,
I'd just want to sprinkle them
across the countryside
and covertly videotape people
discovering them.
Small towns where not a lot
happens would be best.
Just leave a severed arm
lying there on Main Street.
Especially if they don't know it's cloned.
Wait, I've already been here.
Christ...
So, then a week later, I'd come back and
leave a cloned leg there that's just as fresh
so that they think I'm hacking
up some guy in my basement.
People would worry over nothing.
It'd be great.
Maybe if I turn all these on and redirect them,
I could start shooting down the satellites.
Oooh! I can feel the hum off this thing!
Once I reorient this thing, I
can shoot a satellite down for sure.
[doors open, computer chirps]
Somebody's going to be missing
their TV channels tonight.